The other day, my wonderful husband told me my face looked less stressed since we moved.
He then pulled back the skin on his cheeks and forehead to demonstrate my previous look, a sort of cross between Kris Jenner and Gary Busey.
"THAT'S what I looked like in America?" I asked, less than pleased. "Gee, thanks."
But he had a point. Though I don't know if my face looks any different here, my body and mind absolutely feel more at ease since moving abroad.
My shoulders aren't at full attention halfway to my ears at all times of day. My brain doesn't race with worry-filled thoughts about where the kids are at that moment, who needs to be picked up when and where -- and how I can sneak out of work early to make it all happen on time. I don't walk at an Olympic pace, spend $20 a day to shorten my 4-mile commute to 30 minutes or feel a constant nag to be doing something else no matter what it is I'm doing.
It's kind of wonderful actually.
And just what I hoped we could accomplish with this move.
A year ago, when I talked Shane into leaving the D.C. area, I had a vision, or at least a wish: I wanted our life to revolve more around the things we love.
I blame the canoe for it.
At some point two summers ago, we decided -- I don't even remember why -- to buy a used canoe big enough for the four of us to paddle around in. We called her the Silver Submarine. We loaded her on top our Jeep Wrangler and drove her to every body of water within 45 minutes of home. We'd race the sunset after work to try to get out on the water and cast the fishing line a few times before dusk.
No matter what the day had brought our way (which, let's be honest, was probably lots of stress over things that don't matter), we'd glide out onto Burke Lake and feel everything calm. I could focus on the rhythm of our paddling, look out at the closest thing to wilderness we could get in Northern Virginia and feel...peace. Happiness.
I realized I needed more of that in my life. Like, a lot more.
Happiness is something I've spent quite a lot of time thinking about, reading about, pondering about over the years. By nature, I'm a sensitive person (my mom and sister will be quick to agree) and I also fight (with the help of medication; the future of science is now! ;) a brain chemistry that tends to be, well, sad.
So happiness is not always an easy thing for me to come by. And at points in my adult life, I thought it would be my never-ending quest.
But the canoe helped me realize I was wrong. What makes me happy is actually quite simple: Being outside. Being surrounded by nature in all its amazing forms. Being with my family. All things within reach.
But how could I get them?
Well I couldn't in the life we had in Northern Virginia. My days there were spent in a car or in a high-rise office building surrounded by a concrete jungle, away from the people I loved for too many hours of the day. And that realization sent us in search of something different, ultimately leading us here to New Zealand.
So am I happy here? Yes, unequivocally.
Nature is an incredible de-stresser, a mind and body healer -- and I get to spend time with her every day now. I traded in my expensive, frustrating commute to walk our kids to school. I gave up my corporate 9-5 to spend A LOT of time with the kids, with the dog, even with Shane.
Do they get on my nerves sometimes? Absolutely. But do I feel closer than ever to the lot of them? No question.
I'm grateful and feel very lucky to have the chance to live like this, especially after trying so long to make that other way of life -- one revolving around success as it's usually defined -- work for us.
I'll take happiness over "success" any day. I can thank the canoe for helping me realize that -- and New Zealand for making it possible.
